My mother’s health took an abrupt turn for the worst, elevating my caregiving responsibilities. After a 2-week hospital stay, she was discharged to undergo hospice at home. Two days after her discharge, I received more unfortunate news. My 31-year-old son, who had no pre-existing conditions, was in the emergency room. He had a heart attack and spent 5 days in the ICU.

Shy of two months, providing hospice care to my mom, she passed away.

To say, I was devastated and overwhelmed is an understatement. Unsteady and off balance, I walked a tight rope,  not knowing what each day, or each moment, would bring.

Both experiences serve as a reaffirmation to live life fully, moment by moment; a reminder to pause, reassess and focus on what’s important.

Looking back, I realized there were things that I did to help me through. Because difficult times are inevitable, I transformed my experience into 5 Tips for Surviving Difficult Times and thought I would share them with you.

Life is precious. Tomorrow isn’t promised. We know that. Right?

Saying those words is easy. Putting action behind those words requires intention, focus and effort.

Holding ourselves accountable to the preciousness of each day requires frequent inner assessment and self-prioritization, especially during difficult times.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. Making the lemonade is not enough. You have a pitcher of lemonade chilling in the fridge, what’s next?

Tip 1: Take time to slowly savor your lemonade

Although my plate was full, I allowed myself time to release the frenzy within. To re-fuel, I would

• Walk
• Listen to podcasts and audiobooks
• Be still to collect my thoughts
• Journal
• Creative expression (doodling, collage)

Selecting activities that you can do at home or while running errands in short spurts of time (i.e., listening to podcasts or audio books) work best.

Ask yourself, given your time constraints and circumstances, what are little things you can do to re-fuel and fill your cup? Make a list and post it where you can see it every day. Make a mental note or check off the days in the week you take time to refuel. Notice and keep track of how you feel on the days you engage in your re-fueling activities and the days you don’t.

Tip 2: Fill your cup first!

Serve yourself at the start of your day! If you leave it for the end of the day, there’s a good chance the lemonade you left in the fridge, will be devoured by someone or something else.

If all you have is the present moment, be vigilant about reserving some of your moments for you. Doing so, you are in a better position to offer others your best self, resentment free.
Look at your list you created (Tip 1) and do one thing, even if it’s for 5 minutes.

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give. — Eleanor Roosevelt

Tip 3: Some things are not fixable.

Although I worked hard to keep my mother comfortable, it was impossible to give her the idyllic, end-of-life scenarios portrayed in the movies.

It was devastating to witness her slow decline and spend her last three months confined to her bed. No matter how many times, we re-positioned her, she was miserable and uncomfortable. Slowly, her spirit slipped away. It broke my heart, again and again. It was emotionally draining and physically exhausting. It was a no-win situation. There was no magic fix.

Tip 4: Don’t allow life’s challenging events steal all your joy.

Whether you are encountering hard times or find yourself lost and overwhelmed by your daily responsibilities, don’t forget about you!

Check in with yourself as you go through your day. Pay attention to what you’re feeling. Is there tension in your body? Is your mind racing? Are you unable to concentrate on your daily tasks? Are you easily agitated? Are you having trouble sleeping?

You know you!

Give yourself the time and space to acknowledge and release the overwhelm.

Tip 5: Maintain a healthy narrative.

Be mindful of the dialog that’s going on in your head. Is it negative? Are you critiquing everything you do or say? Second guessing yourself?

When I found myself questioning my actions, I realized it was a waste of my time and mental resources. Second guessing myself was interfering with my present moment decision making and abilities.

If you are a caregiver, experiencing difficult times, check out “3 Reasons Why Caregivers Should Journal”.

If anything from this post resonates with you, please reach out. I would love to know your thoughts.